How I began - Week One - Start Here

I found myself on a tropical beach in Thailand, as if I had run directly there from childhood. Looking for escape from the inner chaos of emotional wounds I carried from my tumultuous relationship with my mother, the rejection by my sister, and my failure to find my one true love, I wound up on a remote beach on the island of Koh Phangan, the south side.

My friend Mark had accompanied me from South Korea where we had both worked as teachers of ESL. It was a loosely drawn plan to run off, sight see and party like animals. But soon after arriving to a serene beachside bungalow, with enough money to stay for a month, plans changed. The serenity and stillness began causing what was not still within me to come to the surface. And inevitably, after studying Philosophy in University, I asked the age old question, opening a portal that could never again be shut. What am I doing here?

The question emerged from the pain of my depths, the surrender to knowingness when I had only known chaos and to be somewhere on time. Enough friends had surrounded me throughout my struggle to evolve into adulthood, but none seemed to hold the answers I was seeking. Why was everything so foggy and blurry? Why did everyone seem so confused? Where was the real truth of life?

After I asked the question sitting on the beach at the high point of the sun one day, after spending a few days settling in, drinking coconut shakes and eating delicious Thai food for mere dollars, and I collapsed inward - needing to know. I had come so far to finally ask, in a place where I wouldn't be bothered. What the h*** was really going on? What was life about?

Then, I began to unwind. One by one, the bubbles of sadness and unprocessed thought began to emerge, with tears to lubricate its surfacing. The bubbles I had held and buried came up, one after another, and beautifully, with a sense of recognition and compassion for all involved.

Hey, this feels good. I feel better after...

Mark was in awe of me, digging deeply everyday, surrendering to the path of knowing, knuckles bared and tissues at the ready. This was my chance for escape from the turmoil. I knew it. And I plunged in deeply.

This container, The Oracle Realm, is the zone where I will share my story, offer my realizations, and hopefully guide you well in your own healing and reckoning, until one day you take the wheel and carry on.

This is your safe space. Welcome.

Koh Phangan, south side.